mental health

being unkind to oneself messes us up the most

hurting oneself with our own words puts us down the most

finding no love for oneself prevents accepting love from others

seeing no beauty in oneself stops us from understanding why somebody else does see it

seeing beauty in oneself is only possible if we stop looking for the flaws in us and others

loving oneself is accepting there is no perfection

words we speak to ourselves should be nurturing our mental and emotional health

being kind to oneself, towards body and mind, should be our priority

You are never alone, there is nothing wrong with you, whether you are feeling okay or not okay.

No matter your demons, depression, substances, stress, social structures working against who you are, there is always a place for you and someone who will fight for and with you.

Pain is normal we all feel it and are allowed to feel it, regardless of what place it is coming from.

It is not your fault.



we all deserve a safe place so we should be able to find it within ourselves and each other

Being aware of our own ignorance is the first step towards becoming more open minded and craving the ability of truly understanding your opposites.

Open Mind, Open Heart, Compassionate Soul

so we can be at peace with ourselves

Safety Pin

powerful words

We use them on a daily basis without even noticing.

I’m not talking about the inspiring squished together letters leaving a humans mouth every day. (or nowadays more likely fingers)

The mean ones. (maybe unintentionally) Those words that hurt others, which stay with them, in their heads turning into voices that have an impact on them that not a lot of people can understand.

Certain words and phrases find their place in our everyday lives through media and people in our enviorment using them, which can result in us almost naturally incooperating them in our vocabulary.

That happens, it's normal.

What's important, is that we do not continue to use them, by being aware of it.

Ignorance is, at least to me personally, the worst characteristic a human being can keep. Because they stop using their brain to think for themselves and end up not letting their own experiences shape the opinions and choices they apply to life in general.

Educating ourselves is a part of living.

Words can be extremely painful. They punch you in the face even though you know the person throwing 'em at you doesn't really know what it means or where its meaning comes from.

Or sometimes they knock you out cold because you can feel that the person who spit it in your face is in every way aware of what it means and therefore they said it.

People in general are judgemental of others.

I personally think it is almost like an instinct that we naturally have because as soon as we look at someone we either feel at ease or we are cautious of the person approaching us. It is to protect ourselves, you know listening to our gut and stuff.

That's what it probably was initially and still is in certain situations but overall it turned into a shallow thing that we do.

As soon as we see someone that doesn't fit in that perfect image, society and media has created we look at it as odd and not ordinary enough to be acknowledged with respect and perceived as a person that is just simply being themselves.

I found myself doing it, looking at someone else and thinking about things that just simply aren't any of my business. I stopped my self from doing it to others and also to myself because it isn't fair and most importantly it isn't of any value.

Don't get me wrong I am not ignorant towards the fact that we have our own opinion of someone for example what they're wearing or their hair color etc. but that is something you keep to yourself because even if I don't like it they might feel fucking awesome, looking like that so why would I ruin that by opening my mouth stating my opinion even though in that moment it is of no relevance since nobody asked me. Having and stating your own opinion is defenitely not wrong as long as you are aware of the situation and aren't insensitive to the matter whilst being wise choosing your words.

We need to be aware of when it is important for our voice to be heard. Standing up for each other, protecting and looking out for each other! I think that is a good one.

And when we can keep it to ourselves, judging people on how they look who they like, what or who they believe in etc. just because someone doesn't understand it.

If the way someone is living their life is affecting you in a bad way speak up, if it isn't and they are just being themselves without forcing anything they do on you just f**k off and be quiet. Simply put: be humble and kind!

Love you xxx

Bye see you soon!

TOKYO GHOUL by Sui Ishida

(Just if you haven't read it: in this story you don't really have bad and good, you have ghouls and people who live in the same world, a condition for the ghouls is, in order to survive they can only drink coffee and eat humans, other things are far from enjoyable - basically non-edible, on both sides you have good and bad beings, in the case of the ghouls some of them eat humans in order to survive and not because they want to or they enjoy it it is just simply a part of their life in order to stay alive. Mindless killing is being committed by ghouls AND humans in this story just in order to understand this whole thing a bit better)

When I first heard about it I was instantly interested. I watched the anime first and it was visually, verbally and emotionally challenging as well as pleasing. I was captivated by the storytelling, which was just so extraordinarily honest and intellectual without crossing a line, where you wouldn't understand it or be able to not identify with it.

The characters were created in such a beautiful and careful manner, every single one of them has a story, just like in the real world every single one of us has a story which is known to only a few people.

Whether it is the mangas or the anime, both of them were filled with so much gore and brutality but for some reason it didn't feel overdone. It was shocking and it affected me a lot in certain situations but it appeared believable because the gore and brutality hadn't been used in order to just simply have blood and action displayed.

They were used in a very clever way to draw you in and shock you, which in the end leads to you actually thinking about what just happend and trying to figure out why it happend.

There are quite a fair amount of moments/quotes in the story (anime and manga) which stuck with me because so many things that have been said by the characters are genuinely thoughts I've had and opinions I have developed based on how I perceive the world and what is going on in it.

One of my favourites, said by Shinohara (Special Class Ghoul Investigator) whilst having a conversation with Juuzou: "If an angelic being fell from the sky and tried to live in this world of ours, I think even they would commit many wrongs. I wonder what colors their purity would be dyed..." in the german translation it is said even more clear the last part would be,....They are so pure they could take on any colour. as soon as I read that I had to think of a newborn child. A pure innocent being that has not yet experienced anything in this world, due to how they are raised and where they are born, which is nothing that is determined by themselves, they become what they become, some of us are privileged with either loving parents good education, open-minded family/people around us, maybe even with all of those, but others aren't. Once you are born you may get the chance to choose your favorite colour, which even makes other people happy with you. On the other hand others are being coloured in by opinions, repression and manipulation by the ones who are supposed to keep them save and pure with all their might.

A line as an opposition to my thoughts, but yet also kind of part of my thoughts already,appears in the anime, it is said by Juuzou (human) who has been held captive by a ghoul, being tortured and desensitised to violence and abuse as a child after being rescued by ghoul investigators. Whilst in a fight with the "Owl" he said: " Why would I apologize for being a monster? Had anyone ever apologized for turning me into one?" That was confusing to me because on one side what he says makes so much sense on the other hand compared to other people doing things that are bad but are not seen as bad, like some police officers practising violence or racism, or the death penalty and so on, in that moment  Juuzou has a completely clear mind he is aware of the fact that what he does is cruel and terrible - killing other living beings. Even though he knows, he still can't repress his psychotic instinct, which he developed during the time he was tortured, to hurt someone if he is asked to do so, if it is his task. It was heart breaking to watch because when he was around good people like Shinohara he was distant but kind,attentive and in some moments even unintentionally considerate.

There are so may more but a lot of them I cannot mention since it would spoil the whole thing if you haven't read or seen Tokyo Ghoul which by the way I would  highly recommend always and forever. So therefore I will now mention my last one.

The "Owl" basically says it to all the ghoul investigetors (I think): "Life is to constantly sin. Life is evil itself. I am aware I am evil... And so are you all. Now, come kill me. And I shall do the same!", I seem to remember that in the anime the character voiced it more as a question " I am aware that i am evil, are you?" It was more like that at least that is what I remember, or maybe my memory mixed with my interpretation one of those two happend. That scene was so powerful because it is true. Some beings of either party participating in the fight are killing the opponent thinking they are doing the right thing or doing what has to be done, because they have this picture of the others being "bad" or "evil". Which makes absolutely no sense. Which is something I believe almost anybody on this planet has at least thought ones, hearing about certain news in the past couple of years.

Anyways I loved every single second of this story because it moved my mind and most importantly my heart. It fed my hunger for visual, verbal and emotinal art as well as providing a space for my thoughts I have tried to identify with someone or something for years.

Thank you Sui Ishida for this tragedy, that was filled with so much beauty and honesty! I will keep it in my heart forever and remember what it taught me, whilst trying my best to teach it to others!

There you go guys I hope even though you do no know this masterpiece you still enjoyed this, and maybe you will get your hands on it :)

Please let me know if you would like to see more of these or maybe even more of this right here, because there would be a lot more to tell about this beauty :) Let me know through my social media or the message writing option you have on the starting page :* ♥

Bye, bye babes and see you soon!

Little inside, the first opening song of the anime is called "unravel" so it was a little bit of an inspiration to my beautiful blog name :)

When have i failed? When have i succeeded? Who knows?

The answer has noone but you.

Let me explain first, ao you know where I'm coming from.

I, am easily disappointed in myself when I happen to “fail”.

Which doesn't make any sense at all because I don't believe in any strict definitions of words such as failure or success. But I scare myself so much of the idea to not do something right that I don’t even give myself the chance to properly try .

Failure is a scary word. To fail is feard by loads of people, if not by everybody.

It's something that potentially could crush our dreams, destroy our imagination and the worst it threatens to damage the person we are and makes it harder to become who we want to be.

At least that's what it is when you let it happen.

Success is the thing we are anxious of never having.

Which again can lead to the following as described in the paragrah above.

Failure and success are just like many other words, which we use in our everyday life, a structure, a term created by society.

What does it mean?

I started to think about this one and came to the conclusion that…..there…is…no…conclusion or definition (I know genius, right) as you will. Why?

Because there isn't only one concept of these two things. It’s portrait as such by society and we automatically follow. We end up following a concept (you could also say having the moneyyy) that might not be enough for us or on the other hand is something we don’t even need to achieve in order for us to be happy.

Even though there are these “definitions” of failure and success, which seem to be floating above all our heads like a katana (I know that is not the correct saying but I like it better that way) having such drastic impact, doesn’t mean that people lost the ability to define those things in a different way because EVERYONE has differnt values, cultures, determinations and what not.

Failure and success are a structure that you can build and create for yourself. Determine where the bottom line and the goal is. It’s your decision, not of the government, society, family, friends. It’s yours.

You can define words just as much as you can define yourself, your passion and your life.

I look at failure as a lesson. Not something I or my life can be described as due to a mistake or a non successful interview or job. And certainly not a reason to keep me (or you reading this) from doing what we want to.

That does not mean that we are not allowed to be sad or bumped  about "failing" but picking ourselves up is the lesson.

Success is, at least in my eyes, ending up doing what I'm passionate about, having someone i love and maybe who knows even some kids. ( I know the cliché right, well I'm boring deal with it haha)

Think about it and realize - they're only made up terms in order to define a certain happening or situation that can neither control you nor your life.

Moral of the story: You have to determine for yourself, as your own, independant person what success and failure is for you in order to achieve what you need and want in life.

Simply put into a metaphor: Imagine writing your own book; the story of your life , if you will! Why would you want to write a book with 800 pages if you for yourself know that 150 pages  are more than enough to be happy. (For the nerds: it doesn't have to be a Game of Thrones Book if a Manga is wayyyy better :P) Other way round maybe you want to write, i don't know, bloody 3000 pages. If so, go ahead, don't let anyone tell what to write in your book because guess what? It's yours!

Have a lovely day and just keep on keeping on.

As always thanks for reading :)

Believe and Religon

Used to be one and the same.

Nowadays two different worlds.

I am not religous and I don’t believe in god. I do believe in something still trying to figure out what it is, because let’s be honest sometimes weird shit happens that simply can’t be normal.

But anyways.

A big part of my family believe in god. But i wouldn’t say they are religous. Why?

Because according to the happenings in the past years, religon isn’t believing in god  and following the golden rule of "loving everybody (even your enemies)"  and most importantly „Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you“ (roughly quoted), anymore.

( I know the quotes here are roughly from the bible but the meaning of them applies to any religion and is basically said in every "book of believe" just in other words, just to clarify.)

I mean I don’t look at it in a naive way. You don’t have to like everybody. You can’t like everybody. We’re all individuals with our own personality. You like people and you don’t like people. You agree with them and you don’t that’s the beautiful thing about us humans we’re all different and that’s what keeps things from ever being boring. All I’m trying to say is: Be respectful. It's really not that hard.

I know that having bad experieces can lead to judging more quickly and being more careful with people. Respecting someone doesn’t mean liking or trusting someone. It simply means: Don’t be a d*ck haha :P

The way religon is presented today contradicts everything that it meant.

The term religon and the name of god are being abused for manipulation, power, money and again: power. It’s disgusting that all the murdering, the wars, the attacks are in the name of god and apparently that's what makes it ok.

I can’t remember reading, that god wants people being killed, abused or ridicouled in his name.

No matter what religion or let’s say whatever believe is out there the first rule was, is, and always will be (summerised) To treat everybody with respect and to not harm a living being. No I’m not making this up, that’s a fact.

As mentioned in one of my previous blog posts no matter what you believe in, what your culture or tradition is, you will always have the ability to think for yourself and have your own opinion.

That’s not a sin. It’s not wrong.

Quite frankly, that’s what the most important people in your book of believe did. They spread a message of love and equality when it wasn’t met with respect and approval.

I am not saying that everybody that believes in god is bad, naive, stupid or anything. I don’t have the right to say you’re not supposed to believe in something if it puts you at ease, makes you feel better, gives you hope…..you do you. It’s your life, your mind not mine.

Just be aware that we all are different and that’s amazing.

But the wheel rolls the other way as well.

Atheists shouldn't talk bad about the ones that peacefully believe in what they perceive as right and don't hurt anyone with it.Why would you do that? Respect that, you don't have to believe but they want to, so let them.

You know what, just be nice to each other for fuck's sake.

Thanks for reading!

Happy days!

Fear of socializing

Something I had a problem with forever....quite frankly I still do sometimes.

Since I was little I've always been extremely shy, because... I just was. Kindergarden, not fun - mean kids and the typical stories everybody knows and probably has experienced themselves.

Primary school not that much better. Also not fun. My final year of Primary school was ok because we finally moved for good, first time for me to at least try coming out of my shell a bit more.

Secondary school got a little better, but I was still the shy and quiet one that was just the friend of someone else.

High School first year was a strange experience, I did make friends that I am still friends with but I wasn't quite myself yet. It took me 15 years of my life to even have the courage to speak with someone properly. But actively participating in lessons or conversations with people wasn't something I felt comfortable with. I did talk to the friends I had and because of that I became more confident and due to us being in the same class for four year I gradually came out of my shell and I thought I'd finally overcome my fear of socializing and talking to others.

Well not really.

After maturation, I didn't make it into the college I thought I wanted to go to. But at least I lost part of my anxiety of public speaking because otherwise I couldn't have graduated.

Then came 6 months of just being at home doing nothing because I couldn't find a job.

So then the first course started in January – March (a course where they help young people how to write applications and stuff)....2 months of that.....and only in the last two weeks I managed to talk to people.

In the end I regretted it because they were great people. Which I would have realised earlier if I opened my bloody mouth sooner.

I don't really know why I was or, in some situations still am afraid to have a conversation with someone because I was never too worried about what people thought about my personality at least. Because I am who I am that's it. I was never in the whole fake friends thing for the sake of having friends and being popular...couldn't be bothered too much drama involved with that.

How and when did it get better?

I realised that after being unemployed for almost a year I had to do something.

So the opportunity of participating in another course comes up (Front office stuff), I was sceptical but in the end I did it.

First 2 weeks quiet as always.

But soon I said to myself that I can't keep doing this I won't ever find a job anywhere if I can't manage to open my fucking mouth and most importantly I'm gonna miss out on properly getting to know new people who are most likely amazing and I as an 18 year could probably learn a lot by just having simple conversations with them.

And you know what that's exactly how it went.

I mean I did get lucky because the coaches and my colleagues were absolutely brilliant.

If that wouldn't have been the case I still would have learned something from it. But if I didn't try it at all I would have missed all of that. I am more confident now. I am not afraid to speak. I had a great job interview and I met people I can now call friends and who've I learned a lot from.

So I know I can't speak for people who actually deal with proper and really bad social anxiety because I am not qualified to do that.

But to everyone that is too shy or afraid of what people might think of you. Stopping to go places because of that keeps you from meeting the people that actually like you and believe me there is someone out there for everyone and I don't say it just like that.

Because saying that nobody likes you can't be the entire truth if you don't give other people the chance to meet you. :)

Remember not everyone will like you and you know what they don't have to because I don't like everybody and

neither do you.

So who gives a fuck what someone else might think about you. Go out there (even just sometimes, that's what I do because I'm addicted to being on the internet and my laptop) be you and that's enough believe me. Not easy but worth it.

It's all in your head, don't overthink it because it's draining I know that. I am not confident at all when it comes to my looks and stuff, like everybody does at least sometimes.

But I am confident about who I am and what I want in life and so should you because you deserve it.

Chin up!

Thanks for reading my stuff :)

"People live their lives bound by what they accept as "correct" and "true". That's how they define "reality". But what does it mean to be "correct" or "true"? Merely vague concepts...their reality may all be a mirage.

Can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs? - Masashi Kishimoto

(Naruto, Manga/Anime)